How Windows 7 Has Shortened My Lifespan Without My Even Using It

There's been a lot of wind and rain in recent days- this trashcan was empty before I filled it with six or seven broken umbrellas I picked up off the street.

A cool delivery bike in Mita. Note the two empty cans of coffee strapped to the frame.

All of the following photos were taken today as I wandered for hours, building the appetite and mental fortification to tackle the epic Windows 7 Whopper at Burger King.
Two ladies drawing together on a bridge over the Kanda River.
This looks suspiciously like someone I know. Ivan knows who.
Akihabara in the distance, with Ocha-no-Mizu station and Chuo-line tracks to the right and the Kanda River to the left. Look carefully and you can see two Chuo-line trains crossing paths.
A boat on the Kanda River.
Close up of some cafes and restaurants built under the Chuo-line tracks, with train passing overhead.
St. Nicholas' Cathedral, about half a kilometer from Akiba. Why is there a Russian Orthodox cathedral here?? Why??
And on the flipside, Kanda Myojin, across the Kanda River from Ocha-no-Mizu Station.
On the grounds of the temple. Don't ask me what it says.
Yes... Windows 7 mania has swept Japan... and my arteries (more on that later...)
It's never too early for the Colonel to get into the Christmas spirit.


So there I was on the Kiehin-Touhoku Line platform at Shinagawa Station, near a row of trashcans, studying a wall-mounted map of the line, when I noticed something peculiar out of the corner of my eye: an arm furtively darting into the trash. Nothing suspicious about this per se (Japan has its share of homeless), except that this arm happened to connect to a man in a spiffy suit. Anytime people with money go pawing around in the trash, I pay attention.

And lo! What did he pull forth from the bin but an innocuous rectangular package, wrapped in charcoal grey opaque plastic? Retreating with the package to a dark corner under a flight of stairs, the salaryman undid the shady parcel with nervous hands. His brow glistened with cold sweat. As quickly as he could, he teased the content of the bundle from its wrapping... and it was revealed to be...

A VHS porn movie. Not drugs, not explosives, not a black-market payment in untraceable high-denomination bills. Pornography. And not even shocking or illegal pornography- maybe some light bondage, but that's all. I discerned this from a glance at the movie's cover, which the salary man dropped in the trash along with the wrapping, after slipping the naked tape into his coat pocket and hurrying, head bowed, onto a train.

Although something about this doesn't play right- why was this dark, inconspicuous package waiting for him in that particular trashcan? It implies far more than the degree of care I'd expect from a pervert and his accomplice (accomplice?!). For that matter, wouldn't you assume that this sort of pornography would be available practically anywhere on the internet, and for free if you looked hard enough?

Perhaps the cover of the tape wasn't true to its contents, or perhaps the tape was full of drugs, explosives, or laundered money. Mighty suspicious... I should have just tackled the guy and interrogated him for fun.

On a different note, I ate this earlier today, with fries and a drink, and survived. Why, why, why did I do this? Because it's a ridiculous thing to do, because I respect weird and unconventional advertising, and... because I could.
Seven (get it?) beef patties (over 2 lbs of meat), 13cm diameter, 2120 calories for the burger alone, and probably enough sodium to kill a dog, consumed for no good reason. I predict this will be the catalyst for a long-term health kick, starting whenever I get my appetite back (likely in days). I mean... ugh.

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Some impressions of the experience: a wall of meat I could barely hold together with both hands buns soon reduced to compacted paste by a never-ending torrent of grease pooling and solidifying into tallow on the napkin-littered ketchup-painted tray 5.3-inch tall burger not fitting in mouth necessity of manually dismantling parts of it prior to ingestion increasingly mechanical act of eating as the experience became less of a meal and more of an objective-oriented act of willpower.

Unfortunately, my phone died just before I reached the Burger King, so I don't have any photographs to commemorate the experience. Thankfully I was able to call my friend Ben (who's been my friend since way back and just happens to also be in Japan), just before my phone's batteries died, so he could give me approximate directions.

The overwhelming success of the campaign (not to mention the campaign itself, which has been extended for another week), is a testament to the overwhelming ridiculousness of Japan.

I just have to hope that the tightness in my chest is mostly psychosomatic.